x-Ael-x

De l'autre coté de la porte

Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 10:41

Bon, c'est fait, la clinique m'a contactée, mon admission se fait mardi à 14h15.

Et on m'a bien précisé de prendre des affaires pour minimum 3 semaines.....

Mon Dieu, je n'en imaginais pas tant. Une semaine, ok, j'aurais compris, mais trois ? Qu'est-ce que je vais bien pouvoir faire de mes journées ?
Comment ça va se passer ? Est-ce qu'il y aura des personnes comme moi, ou juste des cas totalement différents ? Est-ce que je vais faire des rencontres qui vont m'aider ou au contraire, me faire chuter ?

J'avoue j'ai super peur, et que j'appréhende l'entrée là bas. Mais une autre part de moi aimerait que ça arrive le plus vite possible...

Parce que je suis bien obligée de m'avouer que je suis à bout. Que je n'en peux plus et que tôt ou tard, je vais finir par faire une connerie.
Et c'est pas le but.


C'est pour ça que j'ai accepté.

Mais ça ne m'empêche pas de redouter la chose, car même si j'ai envie de guérir mon côté dépressif et mon anorexie, je refuse toujours catégoriquement de grossir, mes 38kg me conviennent !

Même si évidemment on me dit de prendre AU MINIMUM 7kg... c'est juste impossible pour moi, non non, je ne peux pas, désolée.

Bref.. Je n'ai pas grand chose de beau à dire. Je suis fatiguée, car je n'arrive pas à dormir, je me comporte comme un zombie, je fais les choses parce qu'elles doivent être faites, pas par envie, je fume, je prends des médicaments, bref, je touche le fond, et je me retrouve souvent, tard, vers les 3h du matin, sur la cuvette des toilettes en train de pleurer.


Je suis usée.

J'ai besoin d'une délivrance...

http://x-ael-x.cowblog.fr/images/anorexie.jpg

Par uineniel le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 11:35
Je croise les doigts. Bon courage.
Par walou le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 13:47
Bnjour, je suis tombée sur ton blog par hasard et j'ai des TCAs également. Tu es vraiment fine sur les photos que tu postes mais je comprends ce dégoût à devoir reprendre ... Quand j'ai fait ma visite médicale en fac (l'an dernier) l'infirmière m'a dit " Vous devriez faire minimum 60 kg !" (j'en faisais 53) et j'ai été horrifiée ... Je l'ai aussi été quand mon psychiatre a voulu m'interner ... Tout ceci pour te dire que tu n'es pas seule et que je suis sûre que tu vas t'en sortir à la clinique. Tu as des activités là-bas, droit aux coups de fil ou autres ?
Par X-Ael-X le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 14:03
Bonjour ! Je pense que lorsqu'on est atteint(e) de TCA l'idée de reprendre du poids (même si c'est indispensable) est vraiment horrifique... Je ne me vois absolument pas, ne veux pas grossir! Même si une part au fond de moi sait qu'il le faut... Bref..
Oui apparemment il y a beaucoup d'activités proposées (sports, piscine, photographie, poterie...) et j'ai le droit de prendre mon pc et mon téléphone. Après je ne sais pas quoi dire de plus à ce sujet, on m'a pas dit grand chose d'autre... sauf que j'y allais pour minimum 3 semaines.
Par alyane le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 14:56
Je pense que c'est le temps qu'il faut pour obtenir un certain résultat.
Je ne suis pas obsédée par mon poids, mais je ne tiens pas à grossir, donc je fais attention à ce que je mange.
J'avais une élève victime d'anorexie, qui a passé trois mois à l'hôpital? Quand ses parents m'ont avertie brutalement, j'étais choquée qu'ils ne m'en parlent pas avant, car j'avais observé des problèmes à son sujet, je n'arrivais pas à mettre le doigt dessus.
Du coup, j'ai lu tout ce que j'ai pu pour essayer de comprendre et de le repérer à l'avance.
Tiens nous au courant.
Par imparfaiite le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 18:36
Oui, tiens nous au courant, on pense à toi <3
Par azona le Dimanche 28 juillet 2013 à 23:55
Ne t'inquiete pas pour ta reprise de poids! C'est normal que ton poids te convienne et que tu ne veuilles pas regrossir, sinon tu n'aurais pas besoin d'aller à la clinique, tu le ferais toute seule chez toi ;)

Ils vont t'aider à accepter l'idée, et tu le feras de toi même! Courage!!!
Par http://www.mel42.fr le Lundi 13 juillet 2015 à 5:31
Et il est 18h34 au moment où je tape cet article, et je sens que la "sirène qui annonce l'heure du repas" va bientôt sonner mais je n'ai vraiment pas envie d'y aller...
Par http://www.vrijgezellenfeestzeeland.nl le Mercredi 16 septembre 2015 à 2:31
Je te souhaite de tout coeur de t'en sortir.
Par http://www.edizionicalliope.it le Vendredi 25 septembre 2015 à 4:14
oleta.gov/regions/reg05/Pages/exit.cfm?vexit=http:
Par http://www.immobilierrhonealpes.fr le Mercredi 18 novembre 2015 à 8:11
J'ai pas pu dormir de la nuit, nouvel endroit, sans doute, et de plus toutes les heures les infirmiers de l'équipe de nuit ouvrent les portes pour s'assurer que les patients sont bien dans leur lit...
Par http://www.l-instant-zen.fr le Jeudi 19 novembre 2015 à 1:42
certes toujours partie de mes posts car elle n'est toujours pas guerie, mais elle sera moins presente et moins violente.
Par http://www.aa31.fr le Mardi 29 décembre 2015 à 10:06
Mais depuis que je suis ici, je me sens mal, seule, isolée.
Par http://www.l-instant-zen.fr le Vendredi 8 janvier 2016 à 9:23
Tu sembles tellement heureuse et que cela continue ;)
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oyager, y'a rien de mieux.
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;););););)
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